Content is what you feel whenever you have a deep appreciation or gratitude for something.  If you appreciate a beautiful sunset, you are content to simply sit and be with it. If you appreciate the qualities that your romantic partner brings to your relationship, you will be content to  be with them, and enjoy your  time together. If you are living in a country with a high basic standard of living, you will be content with the good things that you experience there, even if you are not the most wealthy or famous person. If you appreciate how much small acts of kindness affect people for the better, you will be content to continue doing them even though it is not going to solve our present global environmental crisis. There is ALWAYS something in your life to to appreciate and feel grateful for, therefore there is never a time when you should not, at least in part feel in touch with your own sense of contentment.

Dis-satisfied is what you feel when you look at the quality of your work and realize that you could have done it better. It is when you think about the way in which you deal with negative emotions and know that you need to do improve your emotional intelligence. It is when you analyze what you say each day and see that you are hardly ever really expressing yourself authentically and genuinely. It is when you look at inequality in society and realize that you have to do something more to create more equality. POSITIVE dissatisfaction is what you get in touch with at the beginning of each year when you write your list of “things that I want and need to achieve over the next twelve months”. There is NEVER a time when you cannot find something to feel dissatisfied about. The question is are you or have you learned yet to use your dis-satisfaction in a positive and creative way to get stuff done in your life? To become an achiever of the good, the difficult and the unusual?

Superficially contentment and dis-satisfaction seem to be opposites, but if you are going to get good at mental fitness then you need to learn how to work with them both simultaneously and at the same time!

 A simple method to start practicing being content but never satisfied in your life:

1) Daily focus on contentment:

Toward the end of your day, for example when coming back from work, take a little time to focus on the things you can appreciate about what has happened in the day, feel grateful and happy/content about. This could be something specific that has happened in that particular day, or it could be something more general. For example as I am sitting typing on my computer now, I am remembering a program I saw on the TV last night comparing the life of those who live in Batam Island Indonesia ( directly opposite Singapore, about 2-3km south) with those who live in Singapore itself. There is a HUGE wealth and standard of living gap which makes me immediately feel content, appreciative and grateful that I live in Singapore (I am not focusing on the injustice of the situation here, although it obviously exists in many ways). This is something that helps me immediately connect to the contentment side of things.

2) Daily focus on dis-satisfaction:

Each day at the beginning of the day, select your top 2, maximum 3 goals for the day. These are the things that you really want to get done, to achieve in your day. As you write them down or think of them, allow yourself to get focused and motivated to GET THESE THINGS DONE without getting distracted, pulled off course or forgetful of what your mission for the day is. You are not going to be satisfied until you get these things done. (For more details on prioritizing the things you need to get done in your day, see my previous article “My own tip on how to enjoy being busy whilst still keeping a bit of space in my mind” ).

3) Holding the tension between your dis-satisfaction and your contentment during the day:

As you go about your day, practice holding onto your motivation and dis-satisfaction without losing your sense of contentment and appreciation. When you relax and focus on contentment, taking a bit of time to “smell the flowers and feel the Earth under your feet”, see how it is possible to do so without losing sight of your achievement goals, so that when the appropriate time comes you are ready and willing to get back into focused, achievement-oriented mode.

 © Toby Ouvry 2010, you are welcome to use this article, but you MUST seek Toby’s permission first. Contact info@mentalfitnessnow.com